long days, longer nights

as usual, can't sleep. partly my fault since i can't stop reading, but i can't stop reading cause i'm not tired and can't sleep. at least i've got the time traveler's wife to keep me company...

so i get up to get a drink of water, poor some out of the brita pitcher in the fridge, and notice a family of racoons slinking around the dumpster on the parking lot above me. then, one-by-one, they cross the path over to bushes next to another building. just a sort of odd thing to sit and watch.

also can't sleep for the same reason(s) i'm always awake... can't stop thinking. plenty to think about lately too.

what with the mormons continually stopping by to bother me, and me wanting to just tell them to leave me alone but also holding on until i can actually ask them the questions i want (although i'm not sure why anymore since i won't get any satisfaction out of sort of crushing their system of beliefs)...

then there's rosalynne's death, which didn't really affect me so much since i wasn't too close to her, but death always makes you think about your own mortality. and that just makes me wonder what, if anything, people would say at my funeral. who would be there. why would they be there. how would they feel. inspired me to try keeping in touch with people better. and maybe even open up a little more...

and also made me think about the path i'm on. where i'm going. what i'm doing. why am i here (not the big Here, but just the here of Omaha). how much longer can i stand getting up and going to a job i can't stand?

these questions and more, all on the next episode of stalk paul...