of all the fruitless searches

went to ames this weekend for the greenday/jimmy eat world concert saturday night. jimmy could've played longer and i'd been happier, but still good show and lots of fun. some awkward moments since i was with emily, tracie and mary... hard not to have them with that group.

sometimes it just hurts though. knowing that i got left behind so she could go on to this. if she wasn't throwing herself away, i don't think i'd still be so hooked and attached... but it just hurts the more i hear about her current "relationship." it has to end sometime. i say that as a statement even though it's more of a query, but i need something solid and definite to grasp right now.

all and all it was a good weekend, even with the renewed longing. god i so wish i could just cancel my subscription to that painful association... must keep moving on anyway. can't hold onto the past forever. fuck. i sound like a broken record. always same problems, same whining, no resolution. i quit. salut. fin. end scene.