bored

i am just so completely, utterly bored with life. nothing here excites me anymore. i have nothing to look forward to. i wake up (usually late), go to work, stare at a computer maybe doing a little work that doesn't really interest me, then come home to scrape together some sort of dinner from leftovers and whatever i have, followed by a night of watching tivo, surfing the net, maybe a random IM or two, then to bed too late and the cycle repeats endlessly with little variation. it's just gotten to the point where i don't care about anything. can't bring myself to clean the dishes that have occupied my kitchen counter and sink longer than i care to think about. can't ever convince myself to go to bed at a "decent" hour. right now, i can't make myself pack to go to ames (yet again, that's three in a row) for the weekend. just absolutely overwhelmed with apathy. i know i'm gonna pay for it in the morning when i haven't slept enough (which i'm sure contributes to this cycle), or when i'm running late on the way to work or back here to pick up (hopefully) my 80s velour jumpsuit for halloween before getting emily. just don't care. couldn't even finish shaving cause i didn't care, hadn't all week so why now? guess this isn't really helping the situation any, so might as well go see if i can't at least finish that, and maybe get something else knocked out. just so, blah. why bother.

monkeys attack!!!!!!!!1

thank you camera phone, without you i wouldn't be able to share another wonderful image from work (this one much happier than the previous). i've moved, yet again, to another location for work. from the wilshire office, to the air force base, to omaha.

started up there a couple days ago, but finally moved my crap up there today. felt the need to set up some crazy/funny scene with my CanDroid and Monkey Benders. i'm betting this will be a recurring event, so look forward to future adventures!

homecoming

went back to ames this weekend for homecoming... and lost my voice. but we'll get to that later. i had friday off, so i was lazy and tagging mp3s/watching tivo most of the day. barely showered in time for emily to come pick me up, and then wait as i had to pack cause i'm slow and procrastinate.

get to ames like 6:15ish, head straight to la fuente where emily and martha have accepted the monster challenge. fairly large group, as always, so it takes a bit to get a table. when we do, they go to work on their first monster, with julie helping martha quite a bit. meal goes by, pretty unenventful. the girls both get their second monster down (martha with even more help from julie), and we're set to leave. then, well, emily has a small mishap paying...

so we go back to julie's house to change and drop off our stuff before heading out to the bar to meet up with all the many folks in town for homecoming. many a drink is had, many a story told, many a laugh shared. in short, good times had by all.

saturday morning, after an hour and a half of sleep, peter and i hit up tip top for the (apparently) game day ritual of 6am chili and beer. which leads to wonderful discussions about art, politics, literature, people, anything really. and on to tailgating at 8. neil shows up, we tailgate more then hit up the game around 1. good game, glad we finally pulled off a win. time to celebrate with more drinking. a little tamer time at club 8 chillin with The D, sean, alison, emily, julie and some (possibly aspberger suffering) sig-eps. all in all, ends up to be about a 20 hour day for me.

when you look at it, all things considered, only losing my voice isn't so bad. how i manage to keep doing this shit every weekend is beyond me. go, drunk paul, go!

wreck

so i'm going home from the mall after getting my hair cut, figure i'll stop by the library since it's on the way home. i get out of my car, walking towards the library, when there's this loud crash behind me. i turn around and there's some sort of car accident on the street running in front of the library.

there was a guy standing outside talking on his phone, he tells them he has to go and he calls 911. i go over to see what, if anything, i can do. there's an SUV that's pretty much unharmed, and a car up on its driver-side door. the lady inside is kinda hysterical, but otherwise ok. people are already there calming her down, so i go to the end of the SUV and direct traffic around it until the cops show up.

i thought about sticking around to see what happened, but figured there were already more than enough extra people standing around that one more in the way wasn't what this situation needed. so i went to the library, looked around a bit, didn't find what i was hoping was in, and came home.

early morning entry

ok, so 8am isn't really horribly early... but for me it is since i've already been at work since a little before 7:30... wow that just sounds pathetic. but whatever, on to the entry

found out yesterday that i'll be moving to yet another project... just playing the project shuffle here. follow the bouncing paul. which, i guess, isn't so bad since i don't really have much to do on this one, but not too psyched about the 20-30 min commute compared to the 5-7 one i have now. i'm sure i'll survive though.

then there's also the implosion of tracie's reality now that she's all but confirmed "alex" wasn't really real, which is something many of us suspected for a while but still didn't want to actually be true. hopefully she'll come out of it alright.

and, wrapping things up quickly, there's the trip to ames for the weekend. always good times there. gonna get that jon kidd kid good and drunk for his 21st, whether he knows it or not.

alone

alone1.jpg

another PostSecret with a fairly universal sentiment (i would imagine), but one i still felt connected to. not that i fear being alone, but that i will end up that way. despite the posting of last night's reaction to in her shoes and my surety that i will find someone, that faith doesn't usually stay around for long.

chixwish

now that's some good, funny stuff

Bible Warning Label

oh so great

i'm a girl

emily and i went to see in her shoes tonight and let me just say, i'm a girl. i know it's a chick-flick (although cameron diaz and the director, curtis hanson, did countless interviews saying it was more than that), but it got to me. there, i said it. i admit it. just something that happens i suppose. anyway, i really loved these two poems that were in it, so enjoy.

first, i carry your heart with me by ee cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

someday i hope to find someone that means that much to me...

and now, One Art by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

this one, well it just really... i'm not entirely sure i guess. just connects. i like the trying to sound like she doesn't care and isn't hurt or going to be, yet at the same time admitting it ("Write it!")...

these, and yes, the movie, gave me hope, but also made me realize, i'll find love when it comes. and that probably won't be for a while. which, i suppose, i can be ok with. but it just gets so lonely at times... i don't know, that's pretty much all i have to say without getting too melodramatic and depressed.

you will find love in odd places

so sayeth my fortune cookie from lunch today. not sure how i feel about that one. could be nice. could get a little weird if you append the obligatory "... in bed" to it, but might be fun too i suppose. guess i'll just have to see what happens

paging captain morgan

just random bit of funny for today that really brightened my day...

"Captain Morgan, Captain Morgan. Please call 2739."

that's the page that just went out on the PA here on base. throughout the day there are messages and announcements on the dumb PA and we almost always ignore them, but this just called out for attention. just amazing. that guy must have the shit teased out of him all the time. but a great time at the bars i bet.

reminds me of my high school teacher Jim Victory telling us about when he was in the army (or some armed service). he started out as Private Victory, which his fellow soldiers really enjoyed. Then rose to Major Victory, but de-enlisted before he became Captain Victory for fear of receiving a cape. good, good times.

random connection

end.jpg
another post secret... not a high school run in, but a feeling of connecting with what's been said.

random run in

excuses.jpg so i'm checking out the new cards on post secret when i came across this pic of a girl i went to high school with. how crazy is that?

random reflection

so i'm reading the bones now and this bit (which i've heard/seen other places) just kinda of struck a chord with me.

Lloyd had a theory that while half the world was recovering from unhappy childhoods, the other half was recovering from happy ones since, having been raised in functional homes, they were less able to cope with the disappointments, betrayals, and regrets of the typical adult existence.

i'm not saying i had the worst childhood ever, but not so much the greatest either. so i guess i'm not sure where that puts me in relating to the quote, but it just kinda fit.

hucked by the fuskers

well, i just got back from my first nebraska game actually at lincoln. wow, that's just a crazy sight. soooooo many people. and all soooo loud. nuts. good time for sure there.

and a good game. close the whole way, fought hard on both sides. almost 800 yds total for both teams, but a low scoring game (until the OTs). would've been nice if we could've come out ahead, but a good showing still. just can't mess with that nebraska defense or home turf. too powerful. guess there's always next year when it's in ames...